Archive for January, 2007

Privacy Shmivacy Saturday, January 13th, 2007

The Evil Marketer finds it amusing when consumers start freaking out about things like third party cookies (though that hubbub has thankfully died down of late). Yes, dear consumer, we have ways to watch you as you jump from site to site, and we can combine that information with what you purchase at those sites and what ads you see, to eventually develop a mildly accurate idea of what kind of online consumer you are. On the evil scale, it’s maybe 1 out of 5 pitchforks. To be frank, it’s sooo 2005.

What really gets our evil mouths watering are articles like this that show just how little privacy you have left. I get so excited about stuff like this I can barely type :). The research here shows what any of us might have guessed already — that if you have a relationship with someone who has purchased a specific product, you are much more likely to buy that product yourself. This has been true forever, of course. But for the first time we are actually able to track and measure it — actually quantify the value of existing consumers and the influence they have over their peers. In this case, the stat they arrived at was this — consumers are 3-5 times more likely to purchase a product if someone in their social network already has it. And just how did this article get its data you ask? By mining the details of a telecommunications ad campaign that tracked whether converted customers had talked on their phone to someone who already owned the product.

Let me pause for a minute to let my heart rate decrease and then I’ll say it again.

The telecommunications company knows if you talked to someone else within their network, and used that information to see if users were more likely to purchase the new product they were pushing.

The implications are staggering, of course, though the Evil Marketer has seen it coming for some time now. You poor little consumers installing your anti-spyware/third party cookie blocking software on your computers are, meanwhile, probably subscribing to one company to receive your cable tv, phone and internet. Has it ever occurred to you that your provider knows what tv shows you are watching (and/or Tivo’ing), what web sites you are visiting, and who you are talking to on the phone? All with timestamps? All aggregated into (potentially) one database? And charging you for it??? MUHAHAHAHA

As soon as they figure out how to wrap up that info into a nice tidy package and sell it to advertisers, the whole world will change. And it’s not just service providers — social networks sites like MySpace are treasure troves of private data — and the sweetest part for us marketers is that one of the prime demographics live on these sites and willingly give up all manner of information about what they like — music, movies, gadgets — and what relationships they have with others who also give up that info. As soon as these sites leverage that data and strike up a juicy deal with Google or the like, “online privacy” will become as quaint as vinyl albums or rotary phones — or mass marketed million dollar 30 second tv spots.

Don’t fret my dear consumer, there is good news for you too. Leveraging this info will probably allow service providers to drastically reduce their fees — you may even get tv, phone and internet for free some day soon. And you’ll start seeing ads that actually interest you and promote products you were already researching. It will seem a little creepy at first that you see a coordinated campaign for a new dog food on your cell, tv, and computer home page moments after scheduling a vet appointment, but you’ll get used to it.

I’m Watching You Friday, January 12th, 2007

Greetings suckers! I see you’ve followed a link from one of my carefully managed, behaviorally targeted, hybrid CPC/CPM/CPA, consumer-generated, and/or contextually driven stealth ads. Gotcha!

How does it feel?

You feel violated, don’t you? You probably feel like taking a long, hot shower — weeping uncontrollably as you slowly sink to the floor of your tub, skin raw and red from excessive loufah-ing. But the pain just won’t go away. And not just because you realize that the loufah was purchased from a follow up email coupon auto-generated from a cart abandonment tracking system.

I’m really sorry about all of this. :(

No I’m not!

As an online marketer, I have no shame. My job is to make sure that you buy the stuff I’m pushing; any ethical considerations are easily disposed of with some carefully worded rationalizations. Rationalizations that I firmly believe, by the way. If I didn’t I may have trouble sleeping at night while my third party cookie niche-marketed behavioral tracking system was watching you surf my client’s sites. Boy you sure spent a lot of time looking at that lingerie page, which is odd considering I’ve got you tagged as a 40-something male earning between $50-100k a year whose last purchase was a $59 power saw purchased via a “make the putt” interactive flash ad. Buying for the wife are we?

If I can coerce you into telling your friends and family to buy the stuff I push, all the better. Then I’ll cross sell you and up-sell you and everyone you know. I may even re-sell all of your contact information to my so called “business partners” (here’s some news — a business partner is anyone who will pay me for your private data), so they can begin the process all over again.

“I’m scared,” you say, trembling. “What should I do?”

There there little consumer, don’t be scared. This thing is bigger than you are, smarter than you are, and is designed to respond quickly to any fight you put up. Just take it.

Why, you ask, am I spending my valuable time telling you all of this instead of figuring out better ways to track your every move? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because a very small part of me wonders if maybe what I’m doing is wrong. That part of me that wanted to write the Great American Novel, or used to think commercials were somehow “bad.” Or maybe I just love marketing so much that I have to write about it even when I could be doing something else important, like playing with my kids or watching sunsets.

I think it’s that last thing.

Please come back, there’s much more to come. There is plenty of marketing evil to talk about and to learn from, and it just gets more interesting every day.

Love,
The Evil Marketer